As part of my palliative care rotation we had to spend some time in hospice. It was really, really hard. There were patients that were transitioning on that were just sad cases – you see the pain in the families faces and know that they are in such great emotional pain. Then there was one that reminded me of all that I had gone through – and it was like “do not cry! do not cry! do not cry!” – I just know what the daughter would go through, and everyday just wishing so much to just talk to her dad – just even a minute to let dad know all the exciting events going on in life. However, as a physician it’s not about you, it’s about the patient. It’s about their experience and their thoughts about it. Breaking down crying isn’t ok, it takes away from the patient and it put the patient in this weird role reversal. So I was glad I made it through ok and can handle situations like this.
Jan 29
January 30th, 2009 at 9:59 am
That had to have been really tough! Sounds like you made it through though! Way to go :)
January 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I know that was very hard for you. I don’t think that it is fair how we expect doctors to not have any emotion. (((hugs)))
January 30th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I’m glad to hear that you could get through it; that must’ve been very tough. (((Heather)))
January 30th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
You took a huge step, a painful one and made it through. Life can be so very hard.
I hope you have a little time this week-end to regroup.
January 30th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I wouldn’t be able to do it. I can’t even watch sad TV or movies still, so I can’t imagine being around it in real life. Man… You hang in there…
January 30th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Hey, got your comment. Sorry, can’t find your email address… I have my feed at ‘full’ on blogger, but I don’t know what else to do. Not sure I understand all that stuff.
January 30th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Wow, Heather, I can’t even fathom how difficult that was for you. Kudos to you for standing strong – I’m sure your dad would be so proud of you!!! You were a rock for that girl, even though you saw yourself in her shoes and knew what the future holds for her. You were a rock; that shows what phenomenal character you have, and what a solid, professional physician you are! ;-)
*hugs*
Michele
January 31st, 2009 at 10:50 am
And that is what is making you a good doctor. You have the knowledge of a situation, but you are able to detach, use the experience to be present for your patient. Your patients will be very lucky to have you!
January 31st, 2009 at 6:14 pm
You amaze me every day. :-D
January 31st, 2009 at 7:20 pm
When my nana passed away thre eyears ago the hospice caretakers were absolutely amazing and you know what? They cried with us and it was OK with me.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:50 am
My first job as a student nurse was working the Oncology Unit on the weekends…I did NOT want to work in that area, but that was the only opening they had. I worked there for a year till I graduated and it was the most rewarding, fulfilling, inspiring and loving job in nursing that I’ve had. I learned so much….both about life and death. And I needed to be there. It wasn’t always easy, but for me, it was necessary to learn as much about death as life. (And I was 33 at the time, not a young kid)
April 18th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
First time here – after I read about your dad and Pancreatic Cancer, I had to leave a comment. I thought a post about your dad would be the best place for it.
My mom also died from that same type and she lasted about 6 weeks after being diagnosed. Myself and siblings appreciated those few weeks and of course wanted more time. She was able to die in her house with hospice and us helping keep her comfortable.
Death is a tough part of life.
The passage of time fills your life in with some others memories and it seems to get easier.
Keep the memory of your dad alive.
All the best – take care