Woohoo! All done! :) I think it went ok, although it’s hard to really say. Hopefully I’ll get the letter saying “Pass” – but it won’t be for a couple months I think.

Priority: RELAXING! :D

Today’s the boards! Eeek!! I’m pretty nervous – I think it will be ok and all but it’s still a big exam!!

Does anyone know what kind of flowers these are?

I take the boards this week on Wednesday. I haven’t felt nervous about them but I’m definitely starting to feel more nervous about it. It’s just impossible to know exactly what questions there will be. I also wish there was half credit! ;) So doing my best to calm myself down about it – the day will be here and over before I know it.

I would like a mini laptop computer (known to people who like real words as ultra portable laptop) like the dell mini except with a real hard drive. So maybe the ASUS EeePC. I don’t know if wanting the hard drive makes it not really possible to be a mini, but I want it so when I am other places I can dump photos. I did get a 16gb sdhc card – it’s crazy how much these little cards can hold now.

Here a cute picture of Wolfie

I made one of these when I was studying for Step 1 of the boards, so thought I’d make one as well for Step 2. ;) Big day is the 17th!

This is the one from Step 1:

I thought about complaining about how much I hate studying for boards, but then I thought to myself wouldn’t it be amazing if I got through this entire time without complaining about it… or at least here. ;) So I am saving all my gripes to my buddies who are also studying for the boards and we will have a pity party for ourselves – haha!

I’ve been very inward recently, and I often struggle with what’s the right way to be. It’s amazing how you can tell people that they can grieve whatever way they want to, yet you don’t have the same ability to be comfortable in your own grief and your own grieving process. So I think I end up questioning instead of just feeling whatever it is that is going on inside of me. I also have been having a hard time just getting myself to do things that I need to do. It’s hard not to get very frustrated with myself about that. I’m always my own worst critic. This is a big time of year for me with boards and applying for residency and it just is not easy to be in this emotional zone where I am just not at peace with all that is going on inside of me. Just need to push myself, I know the longer I wait with these things the worse I feel and unmotivated to do it!

Overall though the weekend was good! It started out most terribly but ended up being great :)

I’ve started to return to normal life the past couple of days. I am not longer on leave from school, instead I am studying for the boards*. This way I won’t have to make up any extra time, and if I need to have a “moment” I can without having to explain anything or being embarrassed. I know some of you who were with me for Step 1 of the boards can remember what a miserable, complaining existence that was ;) but I know this time won’t be quite as high pressure and awful. Studying for step 1 truly was on of the darkest times of my life on so many different levels. I know some people have expressed concern about how can I study with all that’s happened, and I have always been one of those people who is forward thinking and this is what is best for me- keep truckin!!

As far as dealing with all of this, I am not sure what to tell you about it! I feel pretty numb still, and like it’s not quite real in many ways. I didn’t interact with my dad in my normal daily life for the most part, so being here and studying for boards doesn’t put it in my face. I printed out a picture of him and I so I can smile at him while I’m studying and I know he’s there cheering me on since boards studying is … ha well not exactly the most fun thing to do!

* There are 3 steps to the boards: Step 1 at the end of 2nd year, Step 2 taken sometime during 4th year, and then Step 3 is during internship. This has nothing to being board certified in whatever specialty like internal medicine, obgyn, cardiology etc. That’s a whole other exam after residency. The fun never ends ;)

Yum, corn on the cob is just so good. ;) I always have some, and then go out an buy a bunch and eat tons of corn for days.

Second week of the ER. It’s going ;) My shift hours are not that great since I’m not home in the evening and I miss my friends. I’m still trying to resolve this problem with my hard drive that crashed too, I just kind of want to be done with it and not have to think about it anymore.

Coming up sooner than I think is step 2 of the boards. I hear it’s easier than step 1 if you study just as hard. Studying just as hard though sounds pretty awful, since it was like an 8-5 job of studying with the additional stress of doing practice questions, realizing you don’t know anything and trying to just stay calm. At the same time, I am looking forward to having a break from rotations.

I’m going to end up with elective rotations at the end of my 4th year I think, I didn’t really plan things well as far as going to places where I want to do residency four a couple of different reasons, but it is what it is. So since they’re a while from now I’m going to try to do something ambitious for them and go either somewhere different from here, or outside of the country. ;)