This is my last month of medical school as far as rotations go – not quite at the one month mark for graduation but awfully close. It’s really crazy how fast the time has gone by – even compared to 3rd year. I’m looking forward to it being over in some ways, but not necessarily looking forward to the upgrade in responsibility and far longer hours!

It’s kind of cool though, one of my very good friends in school that I was on the same track as for 3rd year, I’m back with for the last rotation. I remember being on our early rotations, not sure what to do, working on doing history and physicals together, reminding each other to do certain parts… so its a special thing that we get to come back together to finish things out. The only bad thing is the hours are really long, especially for a last rotation when senoritis is in full swing. There’s so much to know as well, other specialties there is more overlap, but sometimes when they discuss things I feel as though someone is speaking another language to me.

As part of my palliative care rotation we had to spend some time in hospice. It was really, really hard. There were patients that were transitioning on that were just sad cases – you see the pain in the families faces and know that they are in such great emotional pain. Then there was one that reminded me of all that I had gone through – and it was like “do not cry! do not cry! do not cry!” – I just know what the daughter would go through, and everyday just wishing so much to just talk to her dad – just even a minute to let dad know all the exciting events going on in life. However, as a physician it’s not about you, it’s about the patient. It’s about their experience and their thoughts about it. Breaking down crying isn’t ok, it takes away from the patient and it put the patient in this weird role reversal. So I was glad I made it through ok and can handle situations like this.

I haven’t posted much at all… I’ve been doing other things that are too personal for discussion here, but you can always feel free to email me or comment me if you’re curious. Or you can make up something outrageous and fun ;)

I started a new rotation today, it’s a mix of a couple of different things. I only have a few rotations left… of medical school. Scary!! This little cocoon of being a med student is going to be gone soon… the other week I went up to one of the floors to start a consult, and the nurse was asking me about what I wanted to give the patient for their blood pressure. Right now the excuse of being a med student flies, but in a couple of months … I’m the one making the decision.

So most residency programs have a night float in ob where you do a month (or whatever length their rotation is – 6 weeks, etc) of night float. I haven’t really done more than a week of night shift and I always find the hardest part is trying to get enough sleep. I just don’t sleep as well during the day. I love to be awake, and then having to sleep when it’s sunny and fun looking outside is a bummer. Of course, then not sleeping means the next night is even harder. Eventually though, you get so tired you do sleep, so I know it will happen. :)

Another thing I enjoy about Hawaii is the rice. Normally I try not to eat too much rice because it just makes me more hungry. The rice here though is great and I can’t resist. On the east coast they just don’t have the right touch or something – I almost don’t want anything but the rice because mmmmmm its so good.

Was a good girl today and uploaded pics from one part of my trip on Sat, Lyon Arboretum. I haven’t gone through them yet to edit them, but if you want a sneak peak, go here.

I’ve been having some really wonderful experiences lately, and these are moments that I know I will not forget. I don’t want to make it seem like medical students have the worst lives ever but being on rotations, you really get dehumanized. It’s important to understand your role in medicine, but its also very hard to be at the bottom, especially not only people in your own profession don’t treat you well, but the other health professions make a point to make your life miserable as well. The experience I’m having is just so radically different though. I’m enthusiastic and everyone is ready to help me learn. They don’t just see my suturing and tell me it’s not good, they work with me to figure out what exactly am I doing wrong – and what tips do I need to understand to do it right. It sucks when you’re doing things wrong – but being a student you get over it. What really matters is doing it right the next time and I’m being helped to do that. :)

The other day, I had a patient who wanted me to take a picture with them after a delivery and then just me holding the baby, and it was just this like light of what all this hard work is really about. I’m not big into cheesy stuff, but I have worked really hard to get where I am at and it’s moments like that where it’s just… indescribable. Medicine is not an easy sacrifice and it’s natural to question it but it’s also wonderful to have these moments where you know it was the right thing.

I’ve never been one to say “I was born to do this” because like most things in life, I don’t believe in just one path. And so I don’t necessarily think that ob/gyn was the right field for me if there were different things going on in my life – or it was important for me never to have call again for example. (ha!) But I enjoy what I’m doing, I feel passionate about it, and after all of this time – finding the right place for me is just perfect.

And you can take that picture of the red flower at the top of the entry to mean what you want. I didn’t pick it intentionally but as I was reading this I realized it fit in. ;)

More pics, haven’t gone thru them all yet.

Today I had my first day for my sub-internship for labor and delivery. Subi is like being an intern (the first year of residency) but not quite as hard – it’s kind of like being between a medical student and an intern – more expectations, but still limited responsibility. It was great. Things are very different here, people are much more friendly & easy to get along with. :) And they tell me funny things, like I have an accent, but they always know how to say my last name which is so delightful after years of correcting people.

I also am walking to work which is cool, I like the walking thing. When I was in graduate school, I lived in an area where I could walk to do my basic errands and I really enjoyed having that option. Of course, I don’t have a car so finding basic things isn’t quite as easy but working it out!

Are you superstitious? I am… and the worse part is I know that it doesn’t make any sense too, and I just perpetuate the belief by relating random lucky and unlucky things to whatever thing I’m superstitious about. I think humans have an amazing ability to relate events that have no significance together – it’s all part of survival on some level I suppose, but it leads to a lot of crazy beliefs!

So anyways, today on cardiology we had a room that was very unlucky – both of the patients in it were sent up to the ICU due to their deteriorating condition. Their room had the number 13 in it… which I have the firm belief is very unlucky. See, not only is 13 generally known as an unlucky number but it is odd and prime which further makes it more unlucky in my book. (Numbers that are divisible by 2 and 3 are extremely lucky in my book, especially those that are squares too, like 36)

Then today, I saw some flurries. I believe the first snow is very magical and I have been a little worried (now you see what I mean about crazy beliefs) that I was going to miss it being in Hawaii. Luckily, I saw some flurries today which is stretching it but I’m going to take what I can get. I also saw a short little rainbow soon after, and rainbows are very lucky and a sign of a change in luck. I don’t think I’ve had any kind of bad luck recently but hopefully the next couple of days which are lots of traveling will go smoothly. ;)

My new rotation went well today, it’s a new area that I haven’t had much exposure to and so there’s a lot of new learning to be done. It’s a great challenge and fun to have new topics to learn about instead of re-learning old ones. I’m just exhausted though, all this residency stuff can be very wearing – applying to medical school is the crisis of “am I good enough???!!!?!?!?!” and it’s kind of like that all over again except not quite as severe (luckily!) It’s going to be a long couple of months until match day when I find out where I’ll be!

On the way down yesterday made a very quick trip for some pics since I had a lot of studying to do.

Being on rotation has been easier than I thought it might be. I haven’t had any situations that really remind me of all that happened with my Dad, and I enjoy being in the hospital again. I really like what I do, even though it’s very demanding. The area of medicine isn’t my thing since it’s lungs – but being able to help people is pretty universal to all of my rotations and it’s a really wonderful thing.

I’m going to be doing a subI in Hawaii in obgyn!! And look there’s a wikipedia article about subI or sub internship. I’ve been working on this forever, paperwork takes a while! I like to be challenged and being in a totally new place along with the responsibilities and expectations of a subI will be a challenge for sure!! I think I’ve maxed out how many obgyn rotations I can do though… :( You can only do so many in one area during 4th year.